Butt, I'm too Fat: Number One Reason not to go to a Class Reunion

Photo from a Class Reunion

“I’m too fat.”

That was the number one reason my classmates gave for not coming to our class reunion.

I know the fear. I’ve welded 40 more saggy pounds onto my high school body.

Last week, I looked in the mirror and ordered myself, “Suck in your gut! Your class reunion is in two days.” Trying various poses, I attempted to appear thinner. “I can’t wait to see everybody… but do they have to see me?”

I put on my blackest pair of pants hoping my thighs would look miraculously smaller. I was worrying even more than usual about the broadening of my backside because one of my favorite classmates, calling to say he was going to be at the reunion, had told me that I used to be a goddess.-an image he had always carried of one of the 5 most beautiful women he had ever seen….

My mother, bless her, told me his wife looked like a model….

I contemplated every diet I had ever heard of. “Can I lose 20 lbs in 2 days? I can’t settle my ponderous bulk onto what may be this poor man’s last youthful delusion.”

I made bargains, “So God, if you are out there, and let me say, that this is a good way to get a devoted believer. I would become a door to door missionary if you grant me this one prayer. And, let me tell you, my example would convert a lot of women!! I vow temperance with food and total obedience to an exercise program tomorrow. Just please, dear Lord, make me look skinny now!”

Since I am normally an agnostic, I speculated God might not be listening so I took a lesson from my children. I whined…

“I think there should be a temporary weight reduction based on my good intentions. You know, God, probation. I don’t have to be imprisoned behind this flabby backend as long as I don’t commit the crime of eating what I want from this day forward. You make me look good now and I swear upon the empty bag of Fritos crumpled in my fist that I will eat right for the rest of my life!”

Confirming my belief in His non-existence, my thighs remained the size and shape of sofa cushions.

I went anyway.

And never once thought about the size of my thighs (okay maybe once when Tami Benbow walked up and her legs weren’t as big as my eyelashes). I loved every minute of the night(especially when my husband-deliciously terrible liar-told me I was the most beautiful woman there-and I was for him. And, judging from the snuggling that went on, each of the other spouses thought the same about each of my other classmates.)

We may have been too fat, too bald, too poor, too something but we weren’t afraid to live. We laughed and danced and hugged and remembered and got teary eyed.

I can’t wait for the next time we get together.

And, heck, I don’t have to start dieting today. I’ve got 5 years before the next class reunion.

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18 comments

  • Mine’s in three weeks. Can’t wait. However, I don’t think I’ll pose in this fashion.

  • Never mind all that worry. You’ll have a good time. Looking forward to seeing some posts about it.

  • I had a wonderful time. I don’t think I could have had more fun. Everyone should go.

  • How in the world did you end up in that position in front of a camera? LOL

  • KYM LOOKS LIKE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD TIME, SORRY WE DID NOT MAKE IT DOWN THERE WE HAD FAMILY SHOW UP.

  • fantastic! I’m glad you had fun!

  • OK Kym, here’s my favorite crash diet: All the rice you can eat and a half cup of vegetables a day. The pounds fly off… you do get a bit tired of rice after a few weeks… I asked my doctor about it and he said half the world lives on that diet. After six weeks, I went to McDonalds and ordered nine Chicken McNuggets.
    Best meal I ever had in my life. I almost cried. Lost 16 pounds. Gained it right back.

  • For some reason this brings to mind those psychotherapy metaphors about women giving birth to themselves… or something like that, anyway. ;^)

  • I had fun at mine as well. I’m glad you went and I’d say, based on the picture above, your worshiping friend was not disappointed — at least based on what I can see of your now infamous backside 😉

  • Kym, I always hate it when you get into the I am to fat mode. It is not a good example to send to young girls and a wierd thing to hear when a person is really over weight. If you think you are over weigth then what must you think of us.

  • I’m glad you had a good time, Kym. I’ve avoided my high school reunion for similar reasons so you’re much braver than I am.
    Sooooo, did you tell everyone “This is my best side” as you gave them the bootie shot? I just did that too. LOL.

  • I think the cultural tide will turn here soon, and those of us with highly efficient metabolisms will be prized as “easy keepers” by all who claim us. “Men want me, simple carbohydrates fear me” will be the t-shirts.

  • At least you can touch your toes! I bet there are some others who couldn’t.

  • Wow, your reunions look a lot more fun than ours (Eureka). Hope all is well up there, SUVing kings and all.

    It’s still quite smoky down here in Mendocino. -Carl

  • I may be prejudiced but I think I’ve got the best class ever! We didn’t do anything special but I had a wonderful time and I think everyone else did, too.

  • I am looking forward to mine back in Massachusetts this fall. We have a website and an email list. We keep finding people. It is awesome to be back in touch with friends that I have not seen for 30 years.

  • Carol, we started a blog to keep in touch. I hope it works to keep us in touch.

  • I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

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