Butt, I'm too Fat: Number One Reason not to go to a Class Reunion
Photo from a Class Reunion
“I’m too fat.”
That was the number one reason my classmates gave for not coming to our class reunion.
I know the fear. I’ve welded 40 more saggy pounds onto my high school body.
Last week, I looked in the mirror and ordered myself, “Suck in your gut! Your class reunion is in two days.” Trying various poses, I attempted to appear thinner. “I can’t wait to see everybody… but do they have to see me?”
I put on my blackest pair of pants hoping my thighs would look miraculously smaller. I was worrying even more than usual about the broadening of my backside because one of my favorite classmates, calling to say he was going to be at the reunion, had told me that I used to be a goddess.-an image he had always carried of one of the 5 most beautiful women he had ever seen….
My mother, bless her, told me his wife looked like a model….
I contemplated every diet I had ever heard of. “Can I lose 20 lbs in 2 days? I can’t settle my ponderous bulk onto what may be this poor man’s last youthful delusion.”
I made bargains, “So God, if you are out there, and let me say, that this is a good way to get a devoted believer. I would become a door to door missionary if you grant me this one prayer. And, let me tell you, my example would convert a lot of women!! I vow temperance with food and total obedience to an exercise program tomorrow. Just please, dear Lord, make me look skinny now!”
Since I am normally an agnostic, I speculated God might not be listening so I took a lesson from my children. I whined…
“I think there should be a temporary weight reduction based on my good intentions. You know, God, probation. I don’t have to be imprisoned behind this flabby backend as long as I don’t commit the crime of eating what I want from this day forward. You make me look good now and I swear upon the empty bag of Fritos crumpled in my fist that I will eat right for the rest of my life!”
Confirming my belief in His non-existence, my thighs remained the size and shape of sofa cushions.
I went anyway.
And never once thought about the size of my thighs (okay maybe once when Tami Benbow walked up and her legs weren’t as big as my eyelashes). I loved every minute of the night(especially when my husband-deliciously terrible liar-told me I was the most beautiful woman there-and I was for him. And, judging from the snuggling that went on, each of the other spouses thought the same about each of my other classmates.)
We may have been too fat, too bald, too poor, too something but we weren’t afraid to live. We laughed and danced and hugged and remembered and got teary eyed.
I can’t wait for the next time we get together.
And, heck, I don’t have to start dieting today. I’ve got 5 years before the next class reunion.