A Sniveling Success

I’ve gotten tickets before, all of them more or less deserved—except one. As I slowly crossed a four lane intersection, some pedestrians stepped out from behind a car, ambled into the crosswalk part way through it just as I was passing in the far lane. I was well aware of motorcycle cop sitting right there so I would never knowingly have broken the law but they entered the crosswalk just as I did. The pedestrians and I exchanged smiles and nods but, before I had traveled the block, the officer pulled me over.

 

Something had his panties in a bunch. A vastly pregnant woman was hardly a threat but he approached my car angry and uptight. He even unsnapped the holster to his gun just before reaching my window. I fought back tears as I tried to explain and even urged him to talk to the two men before they got too far—to no avail. I left with a ticket.

 

Friends urged me to fight it, reassuring me that most challenged tickets were dropped or at least commuted. I filled out the paperwork .

 

The wheels of justice grind slowly and I had a two month old by the time the appointed day arrived. I left my older son home with his dad but because I was nursing, I took my newest son with me. I dressed carefully in a dress that I could nurse discreetly in and packed plenty of cloth diapers.

 

That morning the courtroom was packed. There must have been 50 people. When the judge arrived, he announced with a grin that he wasn’t usually a traffic judge, he normally did criminal cases but he was filling in. He seemed so nice I breathed a sigh of relief.

 

But as the day crept on with case after case determined against the person fighting their ticket, I knew I was in trouble. No matter how innocent the person seemed, not even one case was reduced and, too my horror, two cases actually ended up with stiffer fines then they would have if they hadn’t fought.

 

My officer still hadn’t showed up so I was left nursing my poor little guy into overstuffed silence. Many times during the day I knelt between the seats and changed diapers. My bag bulged with plastic wrapped wet diapers and there was even one ugly bag oozing brown goo by mid afternoon.. As the day drug towards 4:30, I began to hope my officer wouldn’t show up. Surely I couldn’t be held to a ticket, if he wasn’t there. But my hopes were dashed as in another case the uniform didn’t show and the judge still ruled against the poor guy and offered to fine him when he tried to protest.

 

Finally, when the empty courtroom contained just me and one other fellow, my officer arrived. I was summoned to the bench. Carefully placing my little guy in the cute little woven basket I had brought with me, I tremblingly approached. By now, I knew I was doomed and was fighting back tears. I tried to remain professional but the sight of the angry man who had been so unreasoning months before did me in. I burst into tears and barely was able to answer any questions. I managed to gasp out wetly (the clerk actually had to bring me a box of tissues somewhere in here) that “I would never enter a crosswalk where there were pedestrians. I tried to get the officer to go talk to the two guys but he wou.. woul…would…wouldn’t” before I broke down completely and laid my head on the table. The officer attempted to ask me some questions but I was shaking and crying so badly, he just related his story while patting me awkwardly on the arm.

 

In the end, the judge shook his head and said, “I think we can safely say that this lady is not a hardened criminal. Honey, I’ll reduce your ticket to a misdemeanor. You’ll only have to pay a little fine and it won’t change your insurance. That’s okay with you isn’t it, officer?”

 

The red faced grouchy man that had so intimidated me, patted me kindly on the hand and said, “I think that will be fine.”

 

As I gathered my baby in a basket and headed out of the room ashamed and still crying, the only person left, a massive truck driver in red suspenders and logging boots clinched the humiliation by calling out nastily, “If I cry, can I get my ticket reduced too?”

_________________________________________________________________

A tip of the hat to Jen whose post reminded me why I wish I didn’t cry so easily.

PHOTO

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bluelaker4
Guest
bluelaker4
16 years ago

LOL! Ah that old trucker was just jealous!

When DJ got a ticket years ago when he was in high school, his ticketing officer never showed up either. He was all set to fight the ticket, but because the officer didn’t appear I think the matter was dropped. He gets all the breaks.

bluelaker4
Guest
bluelaker4
16 years ago

LOL! Ah that old trucker was just jealous!

When DJ got a ticket years ago when he was in high school, his ticketing officer never showed up either. He was all set to fight the ticket, but because the officer didn’t appear I think the matter was dropped. He gets all the breaks.

max
Guest
max
16 years ago

I bet that nasty comment cost that truck driver.

max
Guest
max
16 years ago

I bet that nasty comment cost that truck driver.

Staff
Member
16 years ago

I’d have been jealous too. Everyone there had been squashed. Not one single person succeeded!The way that judge had been all day, I think The trucker figured he was doomed already might as well at least relieve his feelings.

Ben
Guest
Ben
16 years ago

Kym. A great story. Agonizing. The one time I tried to fight a ticket was back in the 60s and I was broke. The judge had no sympathy and I wasted a day in court. Believe it or not, I have not had a ticket since 1968. I mean a moving violation. It pays to live in the country. I’ve had a few warnings but no tickets. Jury duty is another story.

Ben
Guest
Ben
16 years ago

Kym. A great story. Agonizing. The one time I tried to fight a ticket was back in the 60s and I was broke. The judge had no sympathy and I wasted a day in court. Believe it or not, I have not had a ticket since 1968. I mean a moving violation. It pays to live in the country. I’ve had a few warnings but no tickets. Jury duty is another story.

beachcomber
Guest
16 years ago

I am a cryer…a blubberer…and I HATE it. We totally lose credibility when we cry and we usualy cry in situations like yours when we figure we’re up against a wall anyway. I cry out of frustration. I keep hoping as I hit my mid-years and get tougher, maybe it will offset my tendency to cry but I don’t hold out much hope. I try and get myself angry to steel myself for a confrontation but that just pushes me over the edge. I cry when I hear certain songs….damn that Dan Fogelberg and his “Run for the Roses” . I’ve even considered hypnosis to become a cold, hard bitch…would that work? Like your judge, however, I have been eased out of a work evaluation because my supervision couldn’t deal with crying women….maybe that’s the tradeoff.

beachcomber
Guest
16 years ago

I am a cryer…a blubberer…and I HATE it. We totally lose credibility when we cry and we usualy cry in situations like yours when we figure we’re up against a wall anyway. I cry out of frustration. I keep hoping as I hit my mid-years and get tougher, maybe it will offset my tendency to cry but I don’t hold out much hope. I try and get myself angry to steel myself for a confrontation but that just pushes me over the edge. I cry when I hear certain songs….damn that Dan Fogelberg and his “Run for the Roses” . I’ve even considered hypnosis to become a cold, hard bitch…would that work? Like your judge, however, I have been eased out of a work evaluation because my supervision couldn’t deal with crying women….maybe that’s the tradeoff.

Ernie
Guest
16 years ago

From a mans standpoint, I can never resist a woman’s tears. Nothing will melt me faster. It’s fortunate for me that my wife doesn’t cry a lot.

But, the way I see it, a woman never uses tears unless she is totally helpless against the situation that she finds herself in, and when nothing else will express her frustration, the tears flow. Men usually recognize this as great depth of soul, and character, and see that her actions can speak louder that words.

I find great eloquence and honesty in a woman’s tears.

Ernie
Guest
16 years ago

From a mans standpoint, I can never resist a woman’s tears. Nothing will melt me faster. It’s fortunate for me that my wife doesn’t cry a lot.

But, the way I see it, a woman never uses tears unless she is totally helpless against the situation that she finds herself in, and when nothing else will express her frustration, the tears flow. Men usually recognize this as great depth of soul, and character, and see that her actions can speak louder that words.

I find great eloquence and honesty in a woman’s tears.

boymstlikely2
Guest
16 years ago

What a time for this post. I am going to fight a traffic ticket I received last month. The cop in Arcata claims that I failed to stop at a four way stop. I can’t wait to get to court. I think the guy was bored because there were no frat parties to crash. I can’t wait!

-boy

boymstlikely2
Guest
16 years ago

What a time for this post. I am going to fight a traffic ticket I received last month. The cop in Arcata claims that I failed to stop at a four way stop. I can’t wait to get to court. I think the guy was bored because there were no frat parties to crash. I can’t wait!

-boy

Kitty
Guest
16 years ago

You’re hilarious. I like the hardened crimminal part.
Great story.

Kitty
Guest
16 years ago

You’re hilarious. I like the hardened crimminal part.
Great story.

Staff
Member
16 years ago

Ben, I have a lead foot so . . .but no tickets for almost 3 yrs!!!! And never have I sat on Jury duty. I’d kinda like to.

Beach, ME TOO! I can cry at a Pepsi commercial but when I am totally frustrated that is when I lose it the most. Usually I’m good at expressing myself. When for some reason I can’t that is when I cry.

Ernie, I wish more people saw it your way. (I actually feel poetic and romantic now:>) mostly I get the feeling that people feel like I am trying to manipulate them. But I like being in control. I don’t like feeling weak. Tears make me feel helpless. (Besides my nose starts to run and that is gross:>)

Boy, YOu could try crying? I’m not sure it would have the same result though;>

Kitty, He really said that. It further added to my humiliation somehow.

Jennifer McKenzie
Guest
16 years ago

See? And all those tears for me would be a damn knot in my stomach and I wouldn’t be able to cry. *sigh* I had a car accident on my birthday, driving home from my Dad’s funeral three days earlier and I was trying to explain what happened to the officer who came out. He was a GROUCH. I was terrified since my kids were in the car when this happened.
The officer told us to exchange information and he wanted to go away. When I asked him how the fault would be determined, he told me the insurance company would decide. I was near tears. I hadn’t done anything wrong and I was so scared.
I think if I’d been able to cry, possibly he might have realized I was a wreck. Instead, he gave me an extremely disapproving look as if I was to blame and walked away.
I drove another fifteen miles before I stopped and called my insurance company and dissolved in tears when the woman wished me a happy birthday.
Turned out the other driver was uninsured and unlicensed.
I’ve never gotten out of a ticket in my entire life. Never.
*sigh* If only the waterworks were a little less rusty……

Jennifer McKenzie
Guest
16 years ago

See? And all those tears for me would be a damn knot in my stomach and I wouldn’t be able to cry. *sigh* I had a car accident on my birthday, driving home from my Dad’s funeral three days earlier and I was trying to explain what happened to the officer who came out. He was a GROUCH. I was terrified since my kids were in the car when this happened.
The officer told us to exchange information and he wanted to go away. When I asked him how the fault would be determined, he told me the insurance company would decide. I was near tears. I hadn’t done anything wrong and I was so scared.
I think if I’d been able to cry, possibly he might have realized I was a wreck. Instead, he gave me an extremely disapproving look as if I was to blame and walked away.
I drove another fifteen miles before I stopped and called my insurance company and dissolved in tears when the woman wished me a happy birthday.
Turned out the other driver was uninsured and unlicensed.
I’ve never gotten out of a ticket in my entire life. Never.
*sigh* If only the waterworks were a little less rusty……

Jennifer McKenzie
Guest
16 years ago

I kind of went on and on. Sorry Kym.

Jennifer McKenzie
Guest
16 years ago

I kind of went on and on. Sorry Kym.

Staff
Member
16 years ago

Jen and Ernie, go to the link below to see why crying is not a good thing. People think you are trying to manipulate them. (Beachcomber, I suspect you already know why I’d rather get a ticket then face the contempt most people have for you when you cry)

http://anonrmous.blogspot.com/2008/03/my-turn-to-make-kym-cry.html

Staff
Member
16 years ago

Oh, and Jen, I love long comments!

mjean1
Guest
mjean1
16 years ago

I cry all the time – I cry if I’m happy. I cry if I’m sad. I cry if you are nice to me. I cry if you are mean to me. I cry at sad books. I cry when the daffodils bloom, etc. etc. etc. I can’t remember the last day that I didn’t shed at least a few tears.
My mom always told me it would get better the older I got. Not so. I am worse now than I have ever been. I do appreciate hearing others tales of tears. I always feel like I am the only person in the world that sheds tears so frequently. The members of my church actually placed a very nice wooden tissue box on the pulpit especially for me although I do share it with others.

mjean1
Guest
mjean1
16 years ago

I cry all the time – I cry if I’m happy. I cry if I’m sad. I cry if you are nice to me. I cry if you are mean to me. I cry at sad books. I cry when the daffodils bloom, etc. etc. etc. I can’t remember the last day that I didn’t shed at least a few tears.
My mom always told me it would get better the older I got. Not so. I am worse now than I have ever been. I do appreciate hearing others tales of tears. I always feel like I am the only person in the world that sheds tears so frequently. The members of my church actually placed a very nice wooden tissue box on the pulpit especially for me although I do share it with others.

Jen
Guest
Jen
16 years ago

Wow. I have to say that guy is kind of an A**hole!!!!!!
Just sayin’.
*shakes head*

Jen
Guest
Jen
16 years ago

Wow. I have to say that guy is kind of an A**hole!!!!!!
Just sayin’.
*shakes head*

Jen
Guest
Jen
16 years ago

Warning: I commented, Kym. Repercussions may ensue! LOL.

Jen
Guest
Jen
16 years ago

Warning: I commented, Kym. Repercussions may ensue! LOL.

Staff
Member
16 years ago

Mom, The worst is when we kick each other off and can’t stop crying. Let’s not do that for awhile;> You know though, as much as I hate my own tears, I’m like Ernie when it comes to yours. I totally melt and want to make you feel as loved as you always make me feel.

Jen, I don’t think I managed to write well enough to convey my feelings on what happened. As a crier, I’m used to people getting really angry because they think I’m trying to manipulate them (although you’d think when snot drips out my nose they’d grasp that no woman would willingly look like that;>) What I don’t understand is why he let your comment and Rose’s comment post but wouldn’t let mine?

And thank you for your defense of me (made me feel nice)

And Rose, thank you, too!

Chris
Guest
16 years ago

Crying: the “nuclear option” in marital politics…

Chris
Guest
16 years ago

Crying: the “nuclear option” in marital politics…

Staff
Member
16 years ago

Chris,

Ahh! :Clutches chest dramatically: Et tu, Brute?

Now I know I failed in writing this. Somehow I just didn’t get across that tears aren’t an ‘option.” They are a volcanic eruption that are outside of most people’s control!

Jen
Guest
Jen
16 years ago

Did you notice what Winter posted on my blog? How she didn’t cry and her sister thought she was a “cold b*tch”? Funny. When I DON’T cry, people think I don’t feel things, or care.
But the truth is that deep feeling can be in the uncontrollable tears or the tight expressionless stillness.
I defy another human being to know when we feel deeply.
I think you wrote that post just fine Kym.

Jen
Guest
Jen
16 years ago

Did you notice what Winter posted on my blog? How she didn’t cry and her sister thought she was a “cold b*tch”? Funny. When I DON’T cry, people think I don’t feel things, or care.
But the truth is that deep feeling can be in the uncontrollable tears or the tight expressionless stillness.
I defy another human being to know when we feel deeply.
I think you wrote that post just fine Kym.

capdiamont
Guest
16 years ago

Personally Kym, don’t worry about it. Keep up the good work/writing.

capdiamont
Guest
16 years ago

Personally Kym, don’t worry about it. Keep up the good work/writing.

Staff
Member
16 years ago

Coming from a crying family (except my dad), I married a man who never cries. Yet, I’ve seen him so hurt, I didn’t know how he could breathe through the pain. You are absolutely right Jen, knowing when another feels deeply isn’t something that comes easily.

Staff
Member
16 years ago

Thanks Cap!

Jennifer Savage
Guest
16 years ago

Kym, your post was fine – you’re a great writer and your sense of humor and decency shines through all your writing. As does your appreciation of life and beauty. So there!

I appreciate your story – right there with you, girl!

Jennifer Savage
Guest
16 years ago

Kym, your post was fine – you’re a great writer and your sense of humor and decency shines through all your writing. As does your appreciation of life and beauty. So there!

I appreciate your story – right there with you, girl!

bluelaker4
Guest
bluelaker4
16 years ago

Ah, the discussion has turned to tears. I cry easily, too, (Grandpa Thompson, it’s all your fault!!!), but if I am very mad I just turn cold and hard. I don’t recall ever being in a “legal” situation where I cried (such as a ticket). Mostly my crying comes from being touched by something very deeply. And I like to see a man cry because that tells me he is feeling something very deeply too. I don’t consider tears from a man to be an unmanly thing, but rather an openness about his feelings. Now I am going to check out that link above about why crying is not a good thing.

bluelaker4
Guest
bluelaker4
16 years ago

Ah, the discussion has turned to tears. I cry easily, too, (Grandpa Thompson, it’s all your fault!!!), but if I am very mad I just turn cold and hard. I don’t recall ever being in a “legal” situation where I cried (such as a ticket). Mostly my crying comes from being touched by something very deeply. And I like to see a man cry because that tells me he is feeling something very deeply too. I don’t consider tears from a man to be an unmanly thing, but rather an openness about his feelings. Now I am going to check out that link above about why crying is not a good thing.