Odd Old News: Mrs Mills’ Bonnet

Nuggets of old news served up once a week by David Heller, one of our local historians.

This week, Odd Old News offers up some light reading. The Trinity Journal is the source of this week’s story of one church going man’s good intentions that went awry when he tried to help an elderly woman…

Grandmother Perigot of Blue Lake. [Photo is not of Mrs. Mills. It is from the Humboldt Room Photograph Collections at HSU library]

TRINITY JOURNAL*
December 29, 1877

Last Sunday, while Mr. Butterwick was in church, he observed a spider crawling upon the bonnet of old Mrs. Mills, who sat in the pew front. Mrs. Mills is very deaf, and Butterwick knew it would be useless to whisper to her about it, so he gave her a gentle poke with his cane. Just as he did so Mrs. Mills happened to look around, and as she is rather inclined to be belligerent, she seized her umbrella, and struck back at Butterwick, prodding him in the stomach with some violence.

Then she said: “You leave me alone in church, or I’ll give you more’n you want.”

Butterwick was indignant and embarrassed, but there was that spider spinning cobwebs on her bonnet, and he tried to make her understand the situation by pointing at it.

She thought he was criticizing the style, and so she said: “You needn’t worry about that bonnet. It’s as good as any your wife’s got.”

“Madam,” said Butterwick in a hoarse whisper, “it has a spider on it.”

“I know it’s a wider bonnet,” replied Mrs. Mills, tartly. It’s wider’n hers because it’s got a bigger head in it; and more sense, too!”

The entire congregation was interested in the proceedings by this time, and Butterwick, blushing crimson, said: “Mrs. Mills I only wanted to tell you of the spider that was crawling about there.”

“What am I bawling about? Who’s bawling? It’s you that began the fuss. Why don’t you let my clothes alone?”

Butterwick at last concluded that the shortest way would be to brush the spider off, and he made a dash at it with his hand. He was so nervous that he struck a little too low down, and cuffed Mrs. Mill’s bonnet off her head, mushing it completely out of shape.

A moment later Mrs. Mills bounced out of the pew, and grasping her umbrella with both bands, she leaned over and beat Butterwick on the head with it. He retreated to the other end of the pew, and she followed him, belaboring him with the green gingham weapon. Then the sexton hurried in, while the services were thoroughly suspended, and grabbing Mrs. Mills by the elbows he forced her down the aisle; while she resisted, turning every few steps and brandishing her umbrella at Butterwick, as if to indicate that she meant war to the knife.

In a few moments Butterwick went out also, and he overtook Mrs. Mills on the pavement on her way home. Stomping up, he explained to her in a loud voice, and then he said: “You blamed old fool, the next time I see you in church I’ll let you alone if I see a herd of buffalo and a wagon-load of tigers crawling on your bonnet. Such old i—– as you had better stay at home, anyhow”.

Butterwick has traded off his pew for one in the gallery.

 

Note: Fact checking was not the strong suit of most old newspapers.

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