Once Again Humboldt Bachlorette on Humboldt's Fascinating Dating Scene

Romance in Humboldt is everywhere in nature.  But in the dating scene….not so much. If I haven’t mentioned how happy I am with my husband lately, I need to proclaim it loudly after reading Humboldt Bachlorette’s newest dating horror story.  I’m presenting part of her story as a poem because it conveys her situation so succinctly:

My cousin hears I’m single again

and offers to set me up with a friend.

I tell her, “No thank you.”  I love my cousin.

I do not love her taste in men.

“Meet us for lunch anyway,” she pleads.

I accede.

I get to the restaurant and the waitress tells me

There’s a guy waiting for me outside.

“He says it’s some kind of blind date.”

I utter an expletive.

She smiles sympathetically.

….

My date and I are from the same small town,

So we spend our first five minutes trying to figure out if we’re related….

My date invites me to come over and see his indoor grow

… anytime I want,

and even tells me the street it’s on.

My date tells me that, no,

he doesn’t have a hefty electrical bill because his reported income is so low

…..

The rest of her story is bleak, too.  Got your own horror date tale?  She’s accepting guest posts. calaltamae@yahoo.com

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37 comments

  • I went out with this chick and it was all cool until in the middle of enjoying a joint together she asked if it was indoor or outdoor and I said indoor and she got all righteous, blabbing about carbon doixide and shit. As she got high, her preaching against marijuana grown inside got worse. She drives a new car, her bathroom is loaded with all kinds of froo froo chemicals, she has more electric gizmos than an 8 year old boy the day after christmas, bla bla bla. Then her friend told me she cried because I obviously wasn’t into her and now she constantly rants about how the dating scene in Humboldt sucks.

  • I went out with this chick and it was all cool until in the middle of enjoying a joint together she asked if it was indoor or outdoor and I said indoor and she got all righteous, blabbing about carbon doixide and shit. As she got high, her preaching against marijuana grown inside got worse. She drives a new car, her bathroom is loaded with all kinds of froo froo chemicals, she has more electric gizmos than an 8 year old boy the day after christmas, bla bla bla. Then her friend told me she cried because I obviously wasn’t into her and now she constantly rants about how the dating scene in Humboldt sucks.

  • haha I love the poem form! Maybe I should do a post in limerick,
    “There once was a lad from Petrolia,
    who said, ‘Sweetie, I want the whole of ya!’
    So I gave him my hand, and half of my land,
    ….I can’t think of another rhyme with Petrolia. Help?

  • haha I love the poem form! Maybe I should do a post in limerick,
    “There once was a lad from Petrolia,
    who said, ‘Sweetie, I want the whole of ya!’
    So I gave him my hand, and half of my land,
    ….I can’t think of another rhyme with Petrolia. Help?

  • There once lived a chick in the hills
    who secretly liked to pop pills
    and date lots of men, who split real fast when
    she bragged that her boyfriend has mad growing skills.

    Naturally, i hear about the male perspective more often than the other. equally funny.

  • There once lived a chick in the hills
    who secretly liked to pop pills
    and date lots of men, who split real fast when
    she bragged that her boyfriend has mad growing skills.

    Naturally, i hear about the male perspective more often than the other. equally funny.

  • There seems to be a lot of honeys around here that hook-up with a big-time grower, at least long enough to get plasticly enhanced.

    So… are there any women that have their own scene?

    • I’ve met a number of ladies run their own scene Ernie. Some are older who have outlived partners. Some are younger serial monogamists or chose to not have a partner.

  • There seems to be a lot of honeys around here that hook-up with a big-time grower, at least long enough to get plasticly enhanced.

    So… are there any women that have their own scene?

    • I’ve met a number of ladies run their own scene Ernie. Some are older who have outlived partners. Some are younger serial monogamists or chose to not have a partner.

  • I get the sense from H.B.’s posts that she has a lot of preferences and negative judgments about this area. So naturally the Universe is presenting her with exactly what she imagines this place to be. Negative energy attracts negative energy. And whining about it to the world perpetuates the energy.

    As a Humboldt Bachelor I’ve experienced several possible matches who assume (as Humboldt Bachelorette does) that because I make a living doing carpentry, electrical and plumbing in SoHum that I am really a pot grower. I guess it makes it better for me by weeding out the judgmental ones on the front end, but it sure would be nice to be seen for who I am rather than what they think I do.

  • I get the sense from H.B.’s posts that she has a lot of preferences and negative judgments about this area. So naturally the Universe is presenting her with exactly what she imagines this place to be. Negative energy attracts negative energy. And whining about it to the world perpetuates the energy.

    As a Humboldt Bachelor I’ve experienced several possible matches who assume (as Humboldt Bachelorette does) that because I make a living doing carpentry, electrical and plumbing in SoHum that I am really a pot grower. I guess it makes it better for me by weeding out the judgmental ones on the front end, but it sure would be nice to be seen for who I am rather than what they think I do.

  • I agree with Uti, negativity attracts the same. I date men from Arcata to Mendo county- usually like a little distance to prevent that feeling of knowing everything about the other person. The growing issue hasn’t been too much of a problem, I guess I’ve been lucky- we usually end up joking about it. The last fellow I dated was from Potter Valley and was a fantastic organic vegetable farmer. And electrician. And that’s all. Too bad he was not a good match otherwise!

  • I agree with Uti, negativity attracts the same. I date men from Arcata to Mendo county- usually like a little distance to prevent that feeling of knowing everything about the other person. The growing issue hasn’t been too much of a problem, I guess I’ve been lucky- we usually end up joking about it. The last fellow I dated was from Potter Valley and was a fantastic organic vegetable farmer. And electrician. And that’s all. Too bad he was not a good match otherwise!

  • Hm, well with all of these responses maybe it’s time to set up a Humboldt Single’s Meet Night!

    • …That’s a good idea, CD. Some kind of singles social. Why not? We have mututal acquaintances, blind dates, the internet, parties and bars and, well, church. Not all of them work out so well. Met a very pretty girl today sadly lamenting her new singlehood, almost falling into tears talking about it. All the lonely people. Where do they all come from? Where do they all belong? Everybody deserves a good somebody. Someone to love, a warmth and squeeze shared.

  • Hm, well with all of these responses maybe it’s time to set up a Humboldt Single’s Meet Night!

    • …That’s a good idea, CD. Some kind of singles social. Why not? We have mututal acquaintances, blind dates, the internet, parties and bars and, well, church. Not all of them work out so well. Met a very pretty girl today sadly lamenting her new singlehood, almost falling into tears talking about it. All the lonely people. Where do they all come from? Where do they all belong? Everybody deserves a good somebody. Someone to love, a warmth and squeeze shared.

  • Another weird way we have is, when people get together it’s a secret, I think since everyone they know has opinions and experiences about everyone they know, and maybe they don’t want to harsh the vibe? So they slink around long enough to decide to hang out publicly. Then, you can’t be surprised, because it’s so totally uncool not to know this stuff that’s so carefully withheld. Or is it just that secrecy’s so ingrained? I’ll never understand this stuff, I’m happily married.

  • Another weird way we have is, when people get together it’s a secret, I think since everyone they know has opinions and experiences about everyone they know, and maybe they don’t want to harsh the vibe? So they slink around long enough to decide to hang out publicly. Then, you can’t be surprised, because it’s so totally uncool not to know this stuff that’s so carefully withheld. Or is it just that secrecy’s so ingrained? I’ll never understand this stuff, I’m happily married.

  • A man who once grew tons of weed,
    enough to satisfy all but one need,
    found his girlfriend instead was an underground Fed
    now he knows the meaning of greed.

  • A man who once grew tons of weed,
    enough to satisfy all but one need,
    found his girlfriend instead was an underground Fed
    now he knows the meaning of greed.

  • A rich SoHum carpenter named Fred,
    finally enticed a new date to his bed.
    But she left him real soon,
    when she discovered his boon,
    came from twenty grow lights in his shed.

  • A rich SoHum carpenter named Fred,
    finally enticed a new date to his bed.
    But she left him real soon,
    when she discovered his boon,
    came from twenty grow lights in his shed.

  • I don’t date… I just marry the gal…!

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