The Best of Humboldt

Nature, marijuana, good people, music, festivals–Humboldt has them all.  I like to feature my favorite aspects of this area frequently.  One I haven’t mentioned for a long time is the humor in the Arcata Eye.  Read its Police Reports for a good sense of what the word “askance” means. The editor, Kevin Hoover looks at life in our Sixties by the Bay city, Arcata,  “askance” and then replays it for you with a bass beat of belly aching humor (Note, there is a wail of despair that plays in the background.)

Here’s a few choice excerpts from this edition: (Really, you need to read it all to enjoy the humor amongst the grit.)

Tuesday, April 5 1:15 a.m.

9:03 a.m. After what she did to his TV antenna this morning, it’s fair to say that they aren’t in love any more.

9:12 p.m. A man called 911 to complain about an interruption in his telephone service. Asked for his name, he said “My name is Fuck You,” and hung up. Police checked in with him and found no emergency, then advised Mr. You against abusing 911.

10:03 p.m. A sidewalk-wallowing man with his pants down on Valley East Boulevard was indecently exposing himself, it was just that the pants were so damn complicated to operate. But at some point he managed to stand, pull his pants up and walk away.

• Wednesday, April 6 8:50 a.m. A man seen wandering in and out of traffic on D Street told police he was just enjoying the weather.

5:46 p.m. A man in a green robe with an IV still in his arm fled the hospital, his girlfriend piloting the getaway car.

2:24 p.m.

A Ninth and H drummer alone

Led someone in earshot to moan

And then to complain

Of drums on the brain

But bongoman soon fled the zone

• Friday, April 8 12:11 p.m. A man was seen walking with a “bison” – previously described as a buffalo, but actually a yak – at 11th and L streets. When a friendly passerby asked if he could take a picture, Yak Man faulted him for not saying “hi” first.

11:23 p.m.

A four-drummer, bongo-based gaggle

Left downtowners’ eardrums bedraggled

Cops found the sound source

And were cordial of course

In deploying a firm finger-waggle

• Saturday, April 9 12:23 a.m.

11:04 a.m. A K Street resident complained about the numerous goats and yak who live at a house there.

12:54 p.m. If a sketchy report is to be believed, someone may have smoked marijuana in Valley West.

8:54 p.m. Youths playing laser tag somehow pursued the coherent light-beam action up the wall and onto the roof of an Old Arcata Road school.

6:45 a.m. A Union Street apartment dweller put up with all kinds of furtive foot traffic, knocking on doors and people coming and going all night at an adjacent residence. When he looked out the window, he saw a nervous-looking man. Then the neighbor knocked on his door, but returned to her apartment sounding “worried.” The activity seemed to be centered around a car with a sticker on the back that said, “Co-exist.”

11:12 a.m. A neighbor didn’t think a small black rabbit hopping around on Fifth Street was long for this world, what with all the dogs and cars.

• Monday, April 11 1:36 p.m.

A duo of drummers, at first

Grew to three as the thunder got worse

The Plaza was thumping

Cops found them there clumping

And bongo-boys’ bubble soon burst

• Wednesday, April 13 12:30 a.m. A doll on fire and tied to a fence at Sunset Avenue and G Street turned out to be a flaming pile of marijuana.

2:12 a.m.

The donutsphere’s dank alleyway

Again brought a saxman to play

The sultry-sad horn

Droned on through the morn

Till 3, when he put it away

Note: If you enjoy this kind of unique Humboldt Humor you should check out Kevin’s books as well here. And check out this photo for a sense of what the characters in Arcata.

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