Sunshine and Shadow: Two Views of the Marijuana Culture and the Children Raised in it?

sunshine and Shadow

Sunshine and Shadow

Frequent Photo

“… trauma is a way of life for children raised in the marijuana industry. From a very early age, they are taught that they cannot tell strangers what their parents do for a living. The idea that a child could be responsible for having a parent taken away and thrown in jail by accidentally speaking the truth is a constantly oppressive fact of life. Most kids are taught not to talk to strangers, Reefer Babies are taught not to talk to anybody. The friends they are allowed to have are strategically chosen from among other, well trained Reefer Babies. While most kids parents try to influence their friendships based on the best interests of the child, marijuana cultivators chose their childrens friends based on an undisguised instinct for self preservation.”

Many local people have concerns about the effect of some aspects of the marijuana culture on its children. The conversation about children raised in the marijuana culture has a new voice.  Humboldt Kids’ Blog has been started by a dad who says his ex-wife is raising his child in Humboldt County in the marijuana culture.  His pain and concern are real.  Are his conclusions?

Check out what his dad has to say, too.

I just wrote an article for the next Humboldt Grow (by the way a new one has just come out with several articles by me though the website hasn’t been updated yet.) In it I discuss the repercussions of being raised in the culture.  The young men I interviewed impressed me with their healthy attitudes towards life and their joy but maybe they are exceptions.

I don’t think so.  But the author of Humboldt Kids’ Blog writes strongly and persuasively otherwise.

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77 comments

  • Thank you. You are the first person I “spoke” to about my blog when it was new (four weeks ago) and you helped me understand how to send you a link to it. I had no idea at the time that you were so intimate with Humboldt County culture, but I could not have picked a better person to have solicited interest from. Your ability to present a balanced viewpoint is to be commended and this website is awesome. That is to say that it inspires awe, not that it is radical, dude.

    I appreciate the link and, regardless of what reception it may or may not receive, mine is just a story. Even though it is relative to Humboldt County, the story itself is (more or less) intended to raise the intelligence level of the American parent and the accountability of the bureaucracy that we allow our children to fall victim to. We are all taxed too much (in my opinion) and we all have our freedoms imposed upon, but if we allow our children to be victimized in the way I describe then we have lost more than our country; we have lost our humanity.

    When I am done telling my story, I intend to elaborate on what the self represented, non custodial parent must anticipate as the only way to change this sad situation. Again, this is just one man’s opinion. As i said at the end of part five, the problem is not that [exploitation] can be done [to our kids] even ineptly without fear of reprisal, the problem is that nobody cares. Perhaps some folks in Humboldt do care, I am open to the possibility. The Family Court System there may operate just the same as any other in California or the U.S. Then again, it may operate that way because of a few thousand sick and twisted scumbags that could give a rat’s ass about traumatizing their own children for a few dirty dollars.

    All I really know for sure is that I miss my kid and the oportunity to be a part of her puberty and early adolescence. If she does not feel the same way, it is because she has been damaged. It is too easy to believe that I abandoned her. Too easy to say that I was a fool not to send the sheriff and the DEA and CWS up that hill when I had the chance; before they were entrenched in that thing y’all got going up there. Before she is grown, she will know that I did everything I could to be a part of her life.

    I am not trying to “take her away” from Humboldt County or her mother, I am only trying to share her life. The thing about Family Law is that it is supposed to protect HER rights, not mine. She has the right to “frequent and continued contact” with both parents. Even the fucked up bureaucracy that is intended to protect that right acknowledges through statistics that children who are denied that right end up in jail, on drugs, victims or perpetrators of violent crimes and so on and so forth.

    So, if what I describe can happen in the Valley of Peace and Love, how can those of us who toil in the world expect justice? I have been paying attention. Have you noticed the increase in violent crime in your neighborhood? Are you prepared for the steady increase in teen suicides that are the inevitable progression of being raised with this type of stress? I have always advocated broadband legalization, but looking at the environment my child has been thrust into makes me think that it is the only way these kids will be able to breathe a sigh of relief about their ability to integrate into society at large. I want justice, Humboldt Kids want justification.

    Thanks again, stay interested. I’ll be back to browse when I am not so distracted.

  • Thank you. You are the first person I “spoke” to about my blog when it was new (four weeks ago) and you helped me understand how to send you a link to it. I had no idea at the time that you were so intimate with Humboldt County culture, but I could not have picked a better person to have solicited interest from. Your ability to present a balanced viewpoint is to be commended and this website is awesome. That is to say that it inspires awe, not that it is radical, dude.

    I appreciate the link and, regardless of what reception it may or may not receive, mine is just a story. Even though it is relative to Humboldt County, the story itself is (more or less) intended to raise the intelligence level of the American parent and the accountability of the bureaucracy that we allow our children to fall victim to. We are all taxed too much (in my opinion) and we all have our freedoms imposed upon, but if we allow our children to be victimized in the way I describe then we have lost more than our country; we have lost our humanity.

    When I am done telling my story, I intend to elaborate on what the self represented, non custodial parent must anticipate as the only way to change this sad situation. Again, this is just one man’s opinion. As i said at the end of part five, the problem is not that [exploitation] can be done [to our kids] even ineptly without fear of reprisal, the problem is that nobody cares. Perhaps some folks in Humboldt do care, I am open to the possibility. The Family Court System there may operate just the same as any other in California or the U.S. Then again, it may operate that way because of a few thousand sick and twisted scumbags that could give a rat’s ass about traumatizing their own children for a few dirty dollars.

    All I really know for sure is that I miss my kid and the oportunity to be a part of her puberty and early adolescence. If she does not feel the same way, it is because she has been damaged. It is too easy to believe that I abandoned her. Too easy to say that I was a fool not to send the sheriff and the DEA and CWS up that hill when I had the chance; before they were entrenched in that thing y’all got going up there. Before she is grown, she will know that I did everything I could to be a part of her life.

    I am not trying to “take her away” from Humboldt County or her mother, I am only trying to share her life. The thing about Family Law is that it is supposed to protect HER rights, not mine. She has the right to “frequent and continued contact” with both parents. Even the fucked up bureaucracy that is intended to protect that right acknowledges through statistics that children who are denied that right end up in jail, on drugs, victims or perpetrators of violent crimes and so on and so forth.

    So, if what I describe can happen in the Valley of Peace and Love, how can those of us who toil in the world expect justice? I have been paying attention. Have you noticed the increase in violent crime in your neighborhood? Are you prepared for the steady increase in teen suicides that are the inevitable progression of being raised with this type of stress? I have always advocated broadband legalization, but looking at the environment my child has been thrust into makes me think that it is the only way these kids will be able to breathe a sigh of relief about their ability to integrate into society at large. I want justice, Humboldt Kids want justification.

    Thanks again, stay interested. I’ll be back to browse when I am not so distracted.

  • I too know children being raised in that culture…the first 10 that come to mind do have very real concers along these lines that I could document if I were of a mind to share their names. I have an email from one that states that she worries constantly about herself, her parents and her friends and their parents getting busted. She worries about being put into foster care if this happens. She self-mutilates, drinks heavily and stays high. She lost her virginity at age 12. Out of the other 9, 2 more self-mutilate, 5 contemplate suicide, they all started smoking pot and drinking by age 11. They are now all starting to get into heavier drugs, extasy and meth for starters. Most we also sexually active by age 12 or 13. From the outside they do SEEM healthy and well adjusted. Seem being the key word there. If you (as a journalist) ask them about their lives and they way they have been raised they will all tell you what wonderful happy lives they are living. Heaven forbid they tell the truth…it might just get more scrutiny on them and their parents and we can’t have that. NO OUTSIDERS! KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! DEAL WITH IT! Have a drink, smoke a bowl….drop some ex. They cannot not and will not discuss their true issues with anyone other than their friends and they don’t do much of that, the code of silence is so ingrained in them that they are unable to even think about discussing their real issues. Their parents spend tons of money trying to keep them happy…all the latest “toys,” all the best clothes, trips to exotic places (well exotic for them because they are now finally getting leave their litle 20 mile radius. These kids have been touched by the suicide of a friend or a friend of a friend on several occasions in the past two years. All too many for that small of a community. I too commend Red Headed Blackbelt on her seemingly unbiased approach and for even considering linking to this blog, but I don’t think interviewing two children that are probably the children of friends and are more interested in keeping scrutiny off of them and their parents can possibly tell the real story. It is time for her and the rest of Humboldt County to face reality. Wake Up Humboldt!

  • I too know children being raised in that culture…the first 10 that come to mind do have very real concers along these lines that I could document if I were of a mind to share their names. I have an email from one that states that she worries constantly about herself, her parents and her friends and their parents getting busted. She worries about being put into foster care if this happens. She self-mutilates, drinks heavily and stays high. She lost her virginity at age 12. Out of the other 9, 2 more self-mutilate, 5 contemplate suicide, they all started smoking pot and drinking by age 11. They are now all starting to get into heavier drugs, extasy and meth for starters. Most we also sexually active by age 12 or 13. From the outside they do SEEM healthy and well adjusted. Seem being the key word there. If you (as a journalist) ask them about their lives and they way they have been raised they will all tell you what wonderful happy lives they are living. Heaven forbid they tell the truth…it might just get more scrutiny on them and their parents and we can’t have that. NO OUTSIDERS! KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! DEAL WITH IT! Have a drink, smoke a bowl….drop some ex. They cannot not and will not discuss their true issues with anyone other than their friends and they don’t do much of that, the code of silence is so ingrained in them that they are unable to even think about discussing their real issues. Their parents spend tons of money trying to keep them happy…all the latest “toys,” all the best clothes, trips to exotic places (well exotic for them because they are now finally getting leave their litle 20 mile radius. These kids have been touched by the suicide of a friend or a friend of a friend on several occasions in the past two years. All too many for that small of a community. I too commend Red Headed Blackbelt on her seemingly unbiased approach and for even considering linking to this blog, but I don’t think interviewing two children that are probably the children of friends and are more interested in keeping scrutiny off of them and their parents can possibly tell the real story. It is time for her and the rest of Humboldt County to face reality. Wake Up Humboldt!

  • I think the concerns about the culture harming its kids is talked about everywhere here in Humboldt. I’m just not sure that lumping all Humboldt kids or even all Humboldt kids raised in the Marijuana culture together under damaged works. Here, in Humboldt, I’ve known many adults that were raised in the culture–some delight me with their joy and health, others worry me.

  • I think the concerns about the culture harming its kids is talked about everywhere here in Humboldt. I’m just not sure that lumping all Humboldt kids or even all Humboldt kids raised in the Marijuana culture together under damaged works. Here, in Humboldt, I’ve known many adults that were raised in the culture–some delight me with their joy and health, others worry me.

  • I am sure that there are many healthy and happy children in Humboldt raised by wonderful parents on both sides. I am not denying that but they are not the issue here. The issue are the children like the one in humboldtkids blog. If what he says is true and I have a feeling it is then there are some serious issues that need to be addressed. First of all if his ex violated a court order then as soon as she handed it to the powers that be they should have contacted him and found out what the problem was. If he did as he said and informed them that he had no idea where his daughter was or what her addres was then the mother should have been taken into custody immediately. PERIOD. That is kidnapping and transporting a child across state line…a federal offence. He should have been given custody immediately. If the mother is indeed having sex in front of the child and the courts and CPS have been made aware of it that is child abuse, off to jail she goes. Apparently not in Humboldt County. If she claimed 0 income in order to get welfare then came in shortly after that and had an income then that is welfare fraud, one count for every time she swiped that AFDC card, one count for every time her daughter got healthcare treatment and one count for every check she cashed. There mere fact that she showed up with an attorney should have been their first clue. If she was that broke she could have gone to legal aid. Off to jail she goes.

    I personally do not have a problem with marijuana cultivation, I am a medical marijuana patient. I keep it legal. I don’t drag my kids into it. They don’t worry about me going to jail. I am just about as liberal as they come but I have my limits. Anyone that is making that much in tax free dollars and going on welfare should be thrown in jail and made to pay restitution, instead it seems that the courts are going out of their way to protect this mother and some more just like her that I know personally because they are connected to the “right people.” The kids are the last thing on any of their minds. I am sorry but just because you can feed your kids and buy them all the latest toys that does not make you a good parent. There is a lot more to it than that.

    All of the kids I was speaking about will tell you that their lives are great and some may even think that they are. They get to do what they want, when they want and with whom they want as long as they keep their mouths shut. If they talk to anyone about their emotional issues or anything else off they go. Where, you might ask? Who knows but when they come back they are changed and usually not in a good way. One girl in particular has a mother that everyone thinks is so wonderful and such a good parent. They fight constantly and have since girl was very young, they are famous for their fights. Her mother does everything she can to keep the father out of their lives. A while back she told her mother that she wanted to go live with her father for a year, just to check it out. What ensued was three months of living hell for the child until she told the court exactly what her mother told her to tell them. Most of that three months she was kept locked in the house and denied contact with her friends as much as possible. She missed school and no one stepped in to help her. Her and her father have a good realtionship from what she says but her mother threatens to kill her self and says that if she loves her father that it means she doesn’t love her. It’s the two of them against the world. How is a child supposed to deal with that? How is a child supposed to deal with growing up thinking that she has sole responsibility for her mother very life. There are parents of her friends that know these facts but yet they still will protect the mother first not the child, they have to they all grow together. This little girl spends as much time at her friends houses as she possibly can. Friends of her parents had pratically raised her while her mother was hiding her from her father. Her mother didn’t technically want her but she did’nt want her father to have her either. There are problems in hippie heaven and no one is addressing the real issues as far as I can tell. HumboldtKids blog is the first thing I’ve seen about it, so if it is truly a topic of discussion then why is that?

  • I am sure that there are many healthy and happy children in Humboldt raised by wonderful parents on both sides. I am not denying that but they are not the issue here. The issue are the children like the one in humboldtkids blog. If what he says is true and I have a feeling it is then there are some serious issues that need to be addressed. First of all if his ex violated a court order then as soon as she handed it to the powers that be they should have contacted him and found out what the problem was. If he did as he said and informed them that he had no idea where his daughter was or what her addres was then the mother should have been taken into custody immediately. PERIOD. That is kidnapping and transporting a child across state line…a federal offence. He should have been given custody immediately. If the mother is indeed having sex in front of the child and the courts and CPS have been made aware of it that is child abuse, off to jail she goes. Apparently not in Humboldt County. If she claimed 0 income in order to get welfare then came in shortly after that and had an income then that is welfare fraud, one count for every time she swiped that AFDC card, one count for every time her daughter got healthcare treatment and one count for every check she cashed. There mere fact that she showed up with an attorney should have been their first clue. If she was that broke she could have gone to legal aid. Off to jail she goes.

    I personally do not have a problem with marijuana cultivation, I am a medical marijuana patient. I keep it legal. I don’t drag my kids into it. They don’t worry about me going to jail. I am just about as liberal as they come but I have my limits. Anyone that is making that much in tax free dollars and going on welfare should be thrown in jail and made to pay restitution, instead it seems that the courts are going out of their way to protect this mother and some more just like her that I know personally because they are connected to the “right people.” The kids are the last thing on any of their minds. I am sorry but just because you can feed your kids and buy them all the latest toys that does not make you a good parent. There is a lot more to it than that.

    All of the kids I was speaking about will tell you that their lives are great and some may even think that they are. They get to do what they want, when they want and with whom they want as long as they keep their mouths shut. If they talk to anyone about their emotional issues or anything else off they go. Where, you might ask? Who knows but when they come back they are changed and usually not in a good way. One girl in particular has a mother that everyone thinks is so wonderful and such a good parent. They fight constantly and have since girl was very young, they are famous for their fights. Her mother does everything she can to keep the father out of their lives. A while back she told her mother that she wanted to go live with her father for a year, just to check it out. What ensued was three months of living hell for the child until she told the court exactly what her mother told her to tell them. Most of that three months she was kept locked in the house and denied contact with her friends as much as possible. She missed school and no one stepped in to help her. Her and her father have a good realtionship from what she says but her mother threatens to kill her self and says that if she loves her father that it means she doesn’t love her. It’s the two of them against the world. How is a child supposed to deal with that? How is a child supposed to deal with growing up thinking that she has sole responsibility for her mother very life. There are parents of her friends that know these facts but yet they still will protect the mother first not the child, they have to they all grow together. This little girl spends as much time at her friends houses as she possibly can. Friends of her parents had pratically raised her while her mother was hiding her from her father. Her mother didn’t technically want her but she did’nt want her father to have her either. There are problems in hippie heaven and no one is addressing the real issues as far as I can tell. HumboldtKids blog is the first thing I’ve seen about it, so if it is truly a topic of discussion then why is that?

  • Thanks for the link Kym.
    While I deeply sympathize with the situation the courts have put him in, & I think his concerns about the culture & his daughter are worrys any parent can understand. I feel as though he has made an odd connection in blaming the marijuana industry for Family Court decisions. No matter how many times I went over it I couldnt figure out how he came to the conclusion that marijuana growing was somehow responsible for the court not finding in his favor.
    Custody, visitation, & child support are gut wrenching & heart breaking far to often. He made me really think about how difficult and unfair dealing with family issues through a court process is. I really wish there were a better way for those people who cannot come to an agreement on their own. No child should lose out on the rewards of having two parents.

    • KIm, you articulated that so well. My heart goes out to him but I’m not sure the things he has the most problem with are related to the industry but rather to the courts.

      Still, as Concerned points out again, there are real concerns about the children of the marijuana culture.

      Concerned, I’m not sure why you haven’t heard the discussions about the children’s issues. I have heard them on KMUD. I participated in a discussion that brushed on these issues on KSLUG. And, a local theater group for youth has done several small plays relating to the subject that I know of. Mostly, the subject comes up in play groups and around clipping tables and in parking lots and wherever mothers in the culture gather to talk about their concerns and their hopes. I would like to see more discussion though.

  • Thanks for the link Kym.
    While I deeply sympathize with the situation the courts have put him in, & I think his concerns about the culture & his daughter are worrys any parent can understand. I feel as though he has made an odd connection in blaming the marijuana industry for Family Court decisions. No matter how many times I went over it I couldnt figure out how he came to the conclusion that marijuana growing was somehow responsible for the court not finding in his favor.
    Custody, visitation, & child support are gut wrenching & heart breaking far to often. He made me really think about how difficult and unfair dealing with family issues through a court process is. I really wish there were a better way for those people who cannot come to an agreement on their own. No child should lose out on the rewards of having two parents.

    • KIm, you articulated that so well. My heart goes out to him but I’m not sure the things he has the most problem with are related to the industry but rather to the courts.

      Still, as Concerned points out again, there are real concerns about the children of the marijuana culture.

      Concerned, I’m not sure why you haven’t heard the discussions about the children’s issues. I have heard them on KMUD. I participated in a discussion that brushed on these issues on KSLUG. And, a local theater group for youth has done several small plays relating to the subject that I know of. Mostly, the subject comes up in play groups and around clipping tables and in parking lots and wherever mothers in the culture gather to talk about their concerns and their hopes. I would like to see more discussion though.

  • Uhhhhhmmm…

    If you are talking about A-blankety blank blankblank, doesn’t she live with that dude with all his kids to get more welfare? She ripped my friend blankblankyblank off so bad. Went to court and guess what? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Blank. What a conniving, blanking blank.

    She isn’t making any money, either. She doesn’t live up the hill because she is making ducats. She lives there to leech off other people just like she leeched off of you.

    If you don’t mean who I mean, then nevermind. Still, your ex sounds like just as big of a pain in the blank.

    And not all children who grow up with parents that do such things end up like the children y’all describe. Parents who would isolate their kids in this way are neglectful in so many other ways that this would seem minor. Perhaps y’all need to hang out with some more responsible people.

    • We don’t know who A blankety blank is…..and probably don’t want to. I don’t understand how you can post this and then the next day post the other one. Can you explain, or did you find out that you knew the mother we are speaking about and suddenly felt the need to protect her?

  • Uhhhhhmmm…

    If you are talking about A-blankety blank blankblank, doesn’t she live with that dude with all his kids to get more welfare? She ripped my friend blankblankyblank off so bad. Went to court and guess what? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Blank. What a conniving, blanking blank.

    She isn’t making any money, either. She doesn’t live up the hill because she is making ducats. She lives there to leech off other people just like she leeched off of you.

    If you don’t mean who I mean, then nevermind. Still, your ex sounds like just as big of a pain in the blank.

    And not all children who grow up with parents that do such things end up like the children y’all describe. Parents who would isolate their kids in this way are neglectful in so many other ways that this would seem minor. Perhaps y’all need to hang out with some more responsible people.

    • We don’t know who A blankety blank is…..and probably don’t want to. I don’t understand how you can post this and then the next day post the other one. Can you explain, or did you find out that you knew the mother we are speaking about and suddenly felt the need to protect her?

  • Kim,

    We are on the same page. Yours!

    Great work, and all the great work is done by people that do it for free and out of concern for the betterment of a like minded sort.

    All that the BEST OF US can do….is to lay out the story as clearly as you can.

  • Kim,

    We are on the same page. Yours!

    Great work, and all the great work is done by people that do it for free and out of concern for the betterment of a like minded sort.

    All that the BEST OF US can do….is to lay out the story as clearly as you can.

  • Kym,

    I noticed that all the incoming links are going to Part III…There has been much more added to the new “Humboldt Kids” sections. Is there any way to fix this?

    • Humboldt Kids,

      When I follow the link it comes to “INTRODUCTION 

      The following story is nothing new. The exploitation of children takes place across the planet….” I think maybe you might just need to refresh the page. But if I’m wrong, let me know.

  • Kym,

    I noticed that all the incoming links are going to Part III…There has been much more added to the new “Humboldt Kids” sections. Is there any way to fix this?

    • Humboldt Kids,

      When I follow the link it comes to “INTRODUCTION 

      The following story is nothing new. The exploitation of children takes place across the planet….” I think maybe you might just need to refresh the page. But if I’m wrong, let me know.

  • I am not aware of these discussions becaue I do not live in Humboldt, I am connected through family and the girl I know tells me much about what is going on with her and her friends. I have met some of them as well. I don’t sit around clipping tables and do not have access to the radio stations you refer to.

    I understand exactly the correlation he is making between the “industry”, his court case and the distance it has cause between him and his child.

  • I am not aware of these discussions becaue I do not live in Humboldt, I am connected through family and the girl I know tells me much about what is going on with her and her friends. I have met some of them as well. I don’t sit around clipping tables and do not have access to the radio stations you refer to.

    I understand exactly the correlation he is making between the “industry”, his court case and the distance it has cause between him and his child.

  • “Shh, don’t tell” is a problem in any culture. The marijuana culture does have valid concerns with secrecy because they can and do go to jail for cultivation of a weed. I don’t have a good solution to the problem other than legalization and that has serious economic pitfalls for Humboldt and the culture I love (I think we must still do it and the children are a big part of the reason why.)

    • Fiancee here again.

      You right there is a lot of “Sh, don’t tell” every where….I personally would love to be able to live there, it is a beautiful area and I know that I have met some great people there. Work keeps us from being able to do that since we chose not to grow for profit. I am a registered medical patient here. We are not trying to deny that and never have. I myself have wondered about the economic impact of legalization on your economy.

      You have to know that when I got together with HK’s we thought that his ex was a wonderful mother, we thougth that leaving his daughter with her was for the best. We both thought it was the best thing for her. It was only after we found out about certain things and the child called us hysterical and her mother cutting off contact with us that any of this became an issue. It was only after she went to court and DCSS and lied about everything that we started fighting this hard and it was only after she refused to discuss any of the issues at hand with us and we found out that she was lying about us to anyone that would listen that we decided to go public. It has been three years coming. It could have all been avioded, if only his ex was willing to share his daughters life with him. We tried to keep it out of court. We tried to keep it in the family, she left us no other chioce.

  • “Shh, don’t tell” is a problem in any culture. The marijuana culture does have valid concerns with secrecy because they can and do go to jail for cultivation of a weed. I don’t have a good solution to the problem other than legalization and that has serious economic pitfalls for Humboldt and the culture I love (I think we must still do it and the children are a big part of the reason why.)

    • Fiancee here again.

      You right there is a lot of “Sh, don’t tell” every where….I personally would love to be able to live there, it is a beautiful area and I know that I have met some great people there. Work keeps us from being able to do that since we chose not to grow for profit. I am a registered medical patient here. We are not trying to deny that and never have. I myself have wondered about the economic impact of legalization on your economy.

      You have to know that when I got together with HK’s we thought that his ex was a wonderful mother, we thougth that leaving his daughter with her was for the best. We both thought it was the best thing for her. It was only after we found out about certain things and the child called us hysterical and her mother cutting off contact with us that any of this became an issue. It was only after she went to court and DCSS and lied about everything that we started fighting this hard and it was only after she refused to discuss any of the issues at hand with us and we found out that she was lying about us to anyone that would listen that we decided to go public. It has been three years coming. It could have all been avioded, if only his ex was willing to share his daughters life with him. We tried to keep it out of court. We tried to keep it in the family, she left us no other chioce.

  • It is a big leap to say that children are behaving in this manner or have this problem and that it is a result of a particular culture, rather than the result of their family dynamics. A person could say the same thing about fundamentalist Christian religious cultures in which many children are abused. One might be tempted to blame the fundamentalist Christian culture rather than the family dynamics. In lots of different families in lots of different parts of the country in lots of different cultures, children can’t talk about what their lives are like. In this respect, Humboldt County is no different than many other part of the US of A. I might caution people that court activities are very messy, they get very confusing, and it’s a lot better not to take sides on any aspect of them.

  • It is a big leap to say that children are behaving in this manner or have this problem and that it is a result of a particular culture, rather than the result of their family dynamics. A person could say the same thing about fundamentalist Christian religious cultures in which many children are abused. One might be tempted to blame the fundamentalist Christian culture rather than the family dynamics. In lots of different families in lots of different parts of the country in lots of different cultures, children can’t talk about what their lives are like. In this respect, Humboldt County is no different than many other part of the US of A. I might caution people that court activities are very messy, they get very confusing, and it’s a lot better not to take sides on any aspect of them.

  • I am HumboldtKids fiancee….he is sleeping after a hard day at work and I’m sure will chime in when he recovers. I will say that at the very first hearing before court when we were talking with one of the attorneys for DCSS I told him that it hadn’t been that long since her mother bragged to us that she had paid $7000 cash for her truck and that she had a much greater income than the 0 she was reporting at the time. His response was “we know what she’s doing, don’t mention it in court.”

    I also know that I have connections to her and her “business” through my work and that I have been threatened by her friends and was told that her and her daughters lives in Humboldt were none of our business.

    Then we can’t forget that the reason she cut off contact with us in the first place is that her daughter called us hysterical because her mother “was having sex in front of her and promised she would quit and didn’t.” The child was 9. Her mother is still doing this…we have documented proof, still none of the powers that be up in Eureka will do anything because his child refuses to talk to them about it because she does not want to get her mother in trouble.

    Just wanted to put my two cents in…I can’t speak for him, but I know what kind of hell that child is living in and I know what kind of hell we live in…..all because his ex’s friends and cohorts insist on protecting her and pulling strings for her…………to protect themselves and their businesses.

  • Well, if you fools keep talking about this on the internet, you won’t have to worry about the courts knowing what is going on. Do you write this same stuff in email? It seems there is more to this story than the one side presented here. Since y’all are so open with your little internet diary, we get to speculate what kind of people you really are.

    One might be tempted to blame the fundamentalist Christian culture rather than the family dynamics. In lots of different families in lots of different parts of the country in lots of different cultures, children can’t talk about what their lives are like. In this respect, Humboldt County is no different than many other part of the US of A. I might caution people that court activities are very messy, they get very confusing, and it’s a lot better not to take sides on any aspect of them.

    You are dead on, tom. People with problems will have them no matter what culture they live in. Isolationist cultures serve to fuel people with issues but don’t necessarily create those issues.

    • Every time I do this I get trounced but I still ask people to disagree all they want but to keep it as polite as possible. Especially, please try not to use names. For me, it makes it difficult to have a conversation.

      • Sorry. This guy did say it was too easy to call him a fool.

        If you want to libel someone, I say come out and do it. I don’t get any kind of sense of compassion as I have no idea if anything this person is saying is true as it seems like they are withholding inconvenient facts in the story. To me, this reads like a bad police report painting the perp as a complete villain that would be thrown out in court due to its lack of objectivity. What I do know is the “Reefer Babies” dialogue implies that many (hill folk) parents are doing this sort of thing just because dude happens to be in such an alleged position.

        I’m making up above comment regarding does he know blank. You can delete my commentary if you think I am too harsh. This whole conversation just seems ridiculous to me with the anonymous complaints about people’s alleged actions in active court battles. I have a special distaste for people who broadcast their child custody stories on the internet. I hardly see how this type of thing is going to help anyone, not even the primary author. Maybe a therapist would be able to help.

        This is especially silly given that the father had intimate knowledge of the ex’s criminal activity but did not use that knowledge to gain leverage. Any attorney would have had that as the secret weapon to dismantle the notion that the child lived at home with her poor mother and the father would be better off playing the role of the primary caregiver. To top it off, this “E-Z Divorce” blew his case from the gate.

        Or whatever, not like I really believe any of this actually happened.

        • Fiance here again

          If you don’t like reading about child custody cases don’t.

          Its not slander if its true.

          We can document all of it.

          Of course I shot down every argument you made and you’ve not been able to come up with a good one so now you resort to calling us liars…..

          Like I said, we didn’t want her to go to jail, we didn’t want to put the kid through a swat team hitting their house, we didn’t want to involve or jeopardize the people that she works with, we were considering every one around her. We didn’t want to involve the government at all. She in turn went and got on welfare she didn’t need, she lied about the father/child relationship. She lied, saying he never paid her a dime in child support (we have a whole stack of canceled checks,) She is the one that involved the government. She is the one that moved and changed her phone number. We have always made sure she was the first to know where we were and our contact information. WE DON’T AND DID NOT CARE what she was doing for a living. WE DO CARE about the lies and the loss of contact between father and child. We do care about her interference with the father/child relationship. WE DO CARE about this happening to other people.

          If you go to the Eureka TS website and search DCSS you will read about them getting some awards. If you read the comments on that page you’ll find that we aren’t the only ones screaming about this.

  • Well, if you fools keep talking about this on the internet, you won’t have to worry about the courts knowing what is going on. Do you write this same stuff in email? It seems there is more to this story than the one side presented here. Since y’all are so open with your little internet diary, we get to speculate what kind of people you really are.

    One might be tempted to blame the fundamentalist Christian culture rather than the family dynamics. In lots of different families in lots of different parts of the country in lots of different cultures, children can’t talk about what their lives are like. In this respect, Humboldt County is no different than many other part of the US of A. I might caution people that court activities are very messy, they get very confusing, and it’s a lot better not to take sides on any aspect of them.

    You are dead on, tom. People with problems will have them no matter what culture they live in. Isolationist cultures serve to fuel people with issues but don’t necessarily create those issues.

    • Every time I do this I get trounced but I still ask people to disagree all they want but to keep it as polite as possible. Especially, please try not to use names. For me, it makes it difficult to have a conversation.

      • Sorry. This guy did say it was too easy to call him a fool.

        If you want to libel someone, I say come out and do it. I don’t get any kind of sense of compassion as I have no idea if anything this person is saying is true as it seems like they are withholding inconvenient facts in the story. To me, this reads like a bad police report painting the perp as a complete villain that would be thrown out in court due to its lack of objectivity. What I do know is the “Reefer Babies” dialogue implies that many (hill folk) parents are doing this sort of thing just because dude happens to be in such an alleged position.

        I’m making up above comment regarding does he know blank. You can delete my commentary if you think I am too harsh. This whole conversation just seems ridiculous to me with the anonymous complaints about people’s alleged actions in active court battles. I have a special distaste for people who broadcast their child custody stories on the internet. I hardly see how this type of thing is going to help anyone, not even the primary author. Maybe a therapist would be able to help.

        This is especially silly given that the father had intimate knowledge of the ex’s criminal activity but did not use that knowledge to gain leverage. Any attorney would have had that as the secret weapon to dismantle the notion that the child lived at home with her poor mother and the father would be better off playing the role of the primary caregiver. To top it off, this “E-Z Divorce” blew his case from the gate.

        Or whatever, not like I really believe any of this actually happened.

        • Fiance here again

          If you don’t like reading about child custody cases don’t.

          Its not slander if its true.

          We can document all of it.

          Of course I shot down every argument you made and you’ve not been able to come up with a good one so now you resort to calling us liars…..

          Like I said, we didn’t want her to go to jail, we didn’t want to put the kid through a swat team hitting their house, we didn’t want to involve or jeopardize the people that she works with, we were considering every one around her. We didn’t want to involve the government at all. She in turn went and got on welfare she didn’t need, she lied about the father/child relationship. She lied, saying he never paid her a dime in child support (we have a whole stack of canceled checks,) She is the one that involved the government. She is the one that moved and changed her phone number. We have always made sure she was the first to know where we were and our contact information. WE DON’T AND DID NOT CARE what she was doing for a living. WE DO CARE about the lies and the loss of contact between father and child. We do care about her interference with the father/child relationship. WE DO CARE about this happening to other people.

          If you go to the Eureka TS website and search DCSS you will read about them getting some awards. If you read the comments on that page you’ll find that we aren’t the only ones screaming about this.

  • This is the fiance again…..

    Well for one thing we are not the kind of people that have our children post this kind of thng on the internet about us:

    “You want to know what’s reall nasty? Nasty is when your mom and her boyfriend are making out in the corner. giggling and being all around nasty. also its nasty when your mom asks your opinion on her sex clothes…..

    I had been chatting with my step-daughter for two hours when she posted this, she knew I was there, she knew I was going to read it…do you think maybe it was a cry for help? I do!

    We are the kind of people that have been battling for this child for quite a few years now and have chosen to execrise our rights to free speech since the powers that be in hippie heaven feel the need to protect a woman who’s child did feel the need to post this for all the world to see. I wasn’t the last post either. For quite a few years Humboldt has only heard one side of the story, hers and she lies. The courts are well aware of this as of now. I know for a fact that some of the mothers friends are reading this so I know that there will be comments in support of her that try to discredit us…we have not posted one thing that we can’t prove through documentation.

    We are not blaming the culture for the problems we are blaming the culture for helping her hide the problems. No doubt that Humboldt is not the only place where this type of thing goes on, no doubt that other cultures create an environment that can lead to these types of problems. No one is saying otherwise, we just don’t happen to have a child that we are fighting for in any of those cultures. It is only people from Humboldt that are trying to hide this type of thing from “outsiders.” Is is the marijuana culture that has made this child feel as if her father was an outsider, not to be trusted. If it had happened here, if her mother had walked into our child support office she would be facing a multitude of felony charges.

    We have spent several years trying to keep it “in the family”, it got us no where. I have had friends of hers try to justify her actions to me. We did not send the sheriff’s office or the FBI “up the hill” looking for her when she moved and changed her phone number with out telling us because we didn’t want to put her, the chld or any of their friends in that kind of jeopardy…..look at the thanks we got for that.

    We have emailed her about this and other things on several occasions, she doesn’t bother to respond. The only thing that happens is that she goes crazy on the kid and contact gets more limited with us. She does nothing other then try to hide things better. We warned her that this was going to happen, we warned her that we were going to start discussing all of these things in court and with CPS and the sheriff’s department if this type of thing continued…she didn’t respond! Well actuall she did respond….all internet contact between us and the kid was cut off.

    We haven’t mentioned that she has falsified school records, that her daughter was a year behind in school and that two schools tried to hide that fact from us, which I can now prove because once again the child felt the need to write about it on the internet. There is oh so much more that we are not sharing…this is just the tip of the ice berg.

  • This is the fiance again…..

    Well for one thing we are not the kind of people that have our children post this kind of thng on the internet about us:

    “You want to know what’s reall nasty? Nasty is when your mom and her boyfriend are making out in the corner. giggling and being all around nasty. also its nasty when your mom asks your opinion on her sex clothes…..

    I had been chatting with my step-daughter for two hours when she posted this, she knew I was there, she knew I was going to read it…do you think maybe it was a cry for help? I do!

    We are the kind of people that have been battling for this child for quite a few years now and have chosen to execrise our rights to free speech since the powers that be in hippie heaven feel the need to protect a woman who’s child did feel the need to post this for all the world to see. I wasn’t the last post either. For quite a few years Humboldt has only heard one side of the story, hers and she lies. The courts are well aware of this as of now. I know for a fact that some of the mothers friends are reading this so I know that there will be comments in support of her that try to discredit us…we have not posted one thing that we can’t prove through documentation.

    We are not blaming the culture for the problems we are blaming the culture for helping her hide the problems. No doubt that Humboldt is not the only place where this type of thing goes on, no doubt that other cultures create an environment that can lead to these types of problems. No one is saying otherwise, we just don’t happen to have a child that we are fighting for in any of those cultures. It is only people from Humboldt that are trying to hide this type of thing from “outsiders.” Is is the marijuana culture that has made this child feel as if her father was an outsider, not to be trusted. If it had happened here, if her mother had walked into our child support office she would be facing a multitude of felony charges.

    We have spent several years trying to keep it “in the family”, it got us no where. I have had friends of hers try to justify her actions to me. We did not send the sheriff’s office or the FBI “up the hill” looking for her when she moved and changed her phone number with out telling us because we didn’t want to put her, the chld or any of their friends in that kind of jeopardy…..look at the thanks we got for that.

    We have emailed her about this and other things on several occasions, she doesn’t bother to respond. The only thing that happens is that she goes crazy on the kid and contact gets more limited with us. She does nothing other then try to hide things better. We warned her that this was going to happen, we warned her that we were going to start discussing all of these things in court and with CPS and the sheriff’s department if this type of thing continued…she didn’t respond! Well actuall she did respond….all internet contact between us and the kid was cut off.

    We haven’t mentioned that she has falsified school records, that her daughter was a year behind in school and that two schools tried to hide that fact from us, which I can now prove because once again the child felt the need to write about it on the internet. There is oh so much more that we are not sharing…this is just the tip of the ice berg.

  • Oh, and for one thing, I myself am and old hippie….I myself am pro-legalization. I was invited to move to Humboldt 30 years ago by friends that were moving there to grow. I chose not to because I knew I wanted kids and I knew I didn’t want to raise them with the fear of having mom carted off to jail. I knew that I didn’t want to live a life that could cause me to lose those kids…….

  • Oh, and for one thing, I myself am and old hippie….I myself am pro-legalization. I was invited to move to Humboldt 30 years ago by friends that were moving there to grow. I chose not to because I knew I wanted kids and I knew I didn’t want to raise them with the fear of having mom carted off to jail. I knew that I didn’t want to live a life that could cause me to lose those kids…….

  • Well, as a family member who has watched the damage from a distance, I can say it ISN’T a healthy lifestyle for the child.
    My niece is 12.
    Her mother is a grower.
    Her number changes every month, sometimes every week. She once called me to put her child on a plane to get her out of Humboldt. Last minute hurry hurry. Twenty four hours later, the Feds showed up and kicked doors in. I am grateful she got my niece out of there first but I think she did it because she blew town, not because she didn’t want her daughter to get harmed.
    She’s left long, ugly messages on my machine calling for my BIL saying he’s a monster, he needs to stay out of their lives blah blah blah. I don’t for a moment think she’s as bad as some ex wives, but she certainly does her part to harm the relationship between her daughter and her ex husband.
    Her daughter is forced to stay silent and say nothing.
    I don’t push, I don’t ask, but when the 12 year old is the most mature of the three involved in the family? It’s sad.
    While I don’t think this is the “norm” and I don’t think everyone who grows is neglectful of their children, I’ve seen first hand how the complications and deceit involved in pot growing seems to kill the family.
    That’s my two cents.

  • Well, as a family member who has watched the damage from a distance, I can say it ISN’T a healthy lifestyle for the child.
    My niece is 12.
    Her mother is a grower.
    Her number changes every month, sometimes every week. She once called me to put her child on a plane to get her out of Humboldt. Last minute hurry hurry. Twenty four hours later, the Feds showed up and kicked doors in. I am grateful she got my niece out of there first but I think she did it because she blew town, not because she didn’t want her daughter to get harmed.
    She’s left long, ugly messages on my machine calling for my BIL saying he’s a monster, he needs to stay out of their lives blah blah blah. I don’t for a moment think she’s as bad as some ex wives, but she certainly does her part to harm the relationship between her daughter and her ex husband.
    Her daughter is forced to stay silent and say nothing.
    I don’t push, I don’t ask, but when the 12 year old is the most mature of the three involved in the family? It’s sad.
    While I don’t think this is the “norm” and I don’t think everyone who grows is neglectful of their children, I’ve seen first hand how the complications and deceit involved in pot growing seems to kill the family.
    That’s my two cents.

  • Oh, I should add my BIL has a huge part in all this too. Only my niece is truly innocent.

  • Oh, I should add my BIL has a huge part in all this too. Only my niece is truly innocent.

  • Sexual abuse in childhood
    This is an excerpt from the paper…

    “Sexual abuse in childhood contributes to a number of problems later in life, and research shows that human development is affected by abuse in a number of detrimental ways. Among the problems are the fact that those abused as children tend to become abusers themselves. Various psychological problems also derive from sexual abuse in childhood.
    Sexual abuse is defined in terms of a variety of actions involving contact and noncontact maltreatment. Contact abuse is sexual contact with a youngster, with examples including molestation with genital contact, fondling, intercourse, oral or anal sex, and object intrusion. Noncontact abuse includes coercing the child to watch pornographic films or pictures, to observe sexual intercourse, to perform sexual activities, and to witness sexual exhibitionism (Lowenthal, 1996).

    Such abuse is bad enough on its face, but it may have long-term consequences, some of which will only show up years later.”

    The above is and excerpt from a paper on childhood sexual abuse. Mental health care professionals agree that sexual exhibition’s in front of a child is a type of abuse. Generally if this type of behavior is on going they agree that at some point the child will be asked to “join in.” It is a type of indoctrination. I could understand if the child in this instance just happened to walk in on her mother, but since it appears that this has been going on for years and that her mother is well aware that it upsets her, then it must be that the mother is deriving some kind of staisfatction from performing sexually in front of her daughter. A community that is made aware of any kind of child abuse of one of their children and does nothing about it is just as guilty as the perpertraitor.

  • Sexual abuse in childhood
    This is an excerpt from the paper…

    “Sexual abuse in childhood contributes to a number of problems later in life, and research shows that human development is affected by abuse in a number of detrimental ways. Among the problems are the fact that those abused as children tend to become abusers themselves. Various psychological problems also derive from sexual abuse in childhood.
    Sexual abuse is defined in terms of a variety of actions involving contact and noncontact maltreatment. Contact abuse is sexual contact with a youngster, with examples including molestation with genital contact, fondling, intercourse, oral or anal sex, and object intrusion. Noncontact abuse includes coercing the child to watch pornographic films or pictures, to observe sexual intercourse, to perform sexual activities, and to witness sexual exhibitionism (Lowenthal, 1996).

    Such abuse is bad enough on its face, but it may have long-term consequences, some of which will only show up years later.”

    The above is and excerpt from a paper on childhood sexual abuse. Mental health care professionals agree that sexual exhibition’s in front of a child is a type of abuse. Generally if this type of behavior is on going they agree that at some point the child will be asked to “join in.” It is a type of indoctrination. I could understand if the child in this instance just happened to walk in on her mother, but since it appears that this has been going on for years and that her mother is well aware that it upsets her, then it must be that the mother is deriving some kind of staisfatction from performing sexually in front of her daughter. A community that is made aware of any kind of child abuse of one of their children and does nothing about it is just as guilty as the perpertraitor.

  • This is another excerpt….
    University of Illinois…

    What is child sexual abuse?
    Child sexual abuse is any sexual behavior directed toward a child by a person who has power over that child. Such behavior always involves a betrayal of the child’s trust.

    Some forms of sexual abuse involve physical contact. These include masturbation, intercourse, fondling, oral sex, and anal or vaginal penetration with objects. Other types of sexual abuse, such as exhibitionism, leering, and sexual suggestiveness, do not involve physical contact.

    People who sexually abuse children do so in order to meet their own needs. Abusers do not have the child’s best interest in mind. Abusers need not be strangers. They can be anyone in a position of power or trust: fathers, uncles, cousins, stepfathers, siblings, mothers, teachers, babysitters, neighbors, grandparents, peers, clergy, or doctors.

    How prevalent is child sexual abuse?
    It has been estimated that 20-40 percent of girls and 2-9 percent of boys are sexually abused by the time they reach eighteen. These are probably conservative estimates since many incidents of sexual abuse are never reported.

    How can I know if I was sexually abused?
    If you remember being sexually violated as a child, trust your memories, even if what you’re remembering seems too awful to be true. Children simply do not make things up. It is common, however, for individuals who have been abused not to have clear memories. One way of coping with sexual abuse is to repress or forget that it ever happened. Even in the absence of conscious memories, certain experiences can trigger intense feelings of fear, nausea, and despair. Some of these &quottriggers” include specific sounds, smells, tastes, words, and facial expressions.

    Whether or not you have specific memories, if you suspect that you were sexually abused, then you probably were. Often the first step in remembering involves having a hunch or a suspicion that some type of violation occured. Pay attention to these feelings, for people who suspect that they were sexually abused generally discover that this has been the case.

    If it happened back then, why do I have to deal with it now?
    There are many factors that make it impossible for children to receive the help that they need at the time of the abuse.

    Unfortunately, many children who do seek support are met with reactions such as disbelief, lack of concern, and even blame. Despite efforts to seek help, the abuse may continue or even get worse.

    There are many understandable reasons why children do not seek help at the time of the abuse. Abusers often scare children by threatening to retaliate or by insinuating that the child will not be believed. The abuser may also confuse the child by implying that the abuse is the child’s fault. Comments such as &quotYou asked for it,” &quotYou were all over me,” and &quotI know you enjoyed it” are often used to blame and to silence the child. Sexual abuse of a child can never be the child’s fault.

    For whatever reason, if the abuse is not dealt with at the time, its damaging effects will still be present years later.

    What are the effects of child sexual abuse?
    There are many ways that people experience the harm that results from having been sexually abused. Consider the following questions (Bass and Davis, 1988):

    Self-Esteem
    Do you often feel that you are not a worthwhile person?
    Do you feel bad, dirty, or ashamed of yourself?
    Do you have a hard time nurturing yourself?
    Do you feel that you have to be perfect?
    Feelings
    Do you have trouble knowing how you feel?
    Have you ever worried about going crazy?
    Is it hard for you to differentiate between various feelings?
    Do you experience a very narrow range of feelings?
    Are you afraid of your feelings? Do they seem out of control?
    Your Body
    Do you feel present in your body most of the time? Are there times when you feel as if you’ve left your body?
    Do you have a restricted range of feelings in your body? Do you find it difficult to be aware of what your body is telling you?
    Do you have a hard time loving and accepting your body?
    Do you have any physical illnesses that you think might be related to past sexual abuse?
    Have you ever intentionally hurt yourself or abused your body?
    Intimacy
    Do you find it difficult to trust others?
    Are you afraid of people? Do you feel alienated or lonely?
    Do you have trouble making a commitment? Do you panic when people get too close?
    Do you expect people to leave you?
    Have you ever been involved with someone who reminds you of your abuser or someone you know is not good for you?
    Sexuality
    Do you try to use sex to meet needs that aren’t sexual?
    Do you ever feel exploited sexually or use your sexuality in a way that exploits others?
    Are you able to &quotstay present” when making love? Do you go through sex feeling numb or in a panic?
    Do you find yourself avoiding sex or pursuing sex you really don’t want?
    Do you experience flashbacks during sex?
    Will I Ever Feel Better?
    The devastating effects of sexual abuse do not need to be permanent. You can heal! You have already survived the worst part, the abuse itself. You have choices now that you didn’t have then. If you choose to commit to your own healing process, have patience with yourself, and let others support you along the way, you can learn that it is possible not only to &quotsurvive,” but to experience what it means to be truly alive.

    Where Do I Begin?
    If you think that you may have been sexually abused, speaking with a trained professional can be extremely helpful. You don’t need to be alone in your pain. In fact, &quotbreaking the silence” is one of the most important components of the healing process. Make an appointment with a professional who will understand what you have been through.

    • I hesitate to bring this up because I am not in any way implying anything about this particular case. And so much of what you quoted is very good advice.

      I just find this statement so not true to my own experience that I question it.
      “Children simply do not make things up.” Here is a study by Clarke-Stewart, Thompson and Lepore (1989). Among other things it shows that questions asked by an interviewer can change a child’s relation of facts substantially.

      Also, I remember as a child making up a rather wonderful story about an old man disappearing inside of a deer as if he were a spirit residing inside it. To this day, I remember making up the story. I know it isn’t true but I see it happening. The only reason I don’t believe it is real is because I remember actually creating it. Children do make up things.

      Please, don’t mistake me. I think if a child says something happened it should be paid attention to. I’m just cautioning that if someone questions a child about something that they haven’t volunteered then everyone needs to be very careful.

      And, please remember, I’m not talking about this specific case. I’m talking about children’s memories in general.

  • This is another excerpt….
    University of Illinois…

    What is child sexual abuse?
    Child sexual abuse is any sexual behavior directed toward a child by a person who has power over that child. Such behavior always involves a betrayal of the child’s trust.

    Some forms of sexual abuse involve physical contact. These include masturbation, intercourse, fondling, oral sex, and anal or vaginal penetration with objects. Other types of sexual abuse, such as exhibitionism, leering, and sexual suggestiveness, do not involve physical contact.

    People who sexually abuse children do so in order to meet their own needs. Abusers do not have the child’s best interest in mind. Abusers need not be strangers. They can be anyone in a position of power or trust: fathers, uncles, cousins, stepfathers, siblings, mothers, teachers, babysitters, neighbors, grandparents, peers, clergy, or doctors.

    How prevalent is child sexual abuse?
    It has been estimated that 20-40 percent of girls and 2-9 percent of boys are sexually abused by the time they reach eighteen. These are probably conservative estimates since many incidents of sexual abuse are never reported.

    How can I know if I was sexually abused?
    If you remember being sexually violated as a child, trust your memories, even if what you’re remembering seems too awful to be true. Children simply do not make things up. It is common, however, for individuals who have been abused not to have clear memories. One way of coping with sexual abuse is to repress or forget that it ever happened. Even in the absence of conscious memories, certain experiences can trigger intense feelings of fear, nausea, and despair. Some of these &quottriggers” include specific sounds, smells, tastes, words, and facial expressions.

    Whether or not you have specific memories, if you suspect that you were sexually abused, then you probably were. Often the first step in remembering involves having a hunch or a suspicion that some type of violation occured. Pay attention to these feelings, for people who suspect that they were sexually abused generally discover that this has been the case.

    If it happened back then, why do I have to deal with it now?
    There are many factors that make it impossible for children to receive the help that they need at the time of the abuse.

    Unfortunately, many children who do seek support are met with reactions such as disbelief, lack of concern, and even blame. Despite efforts to seek help, the abuse may continue or even get worse.

    There are many understandable reasons why children do not seek help at the time of the abuse. Abusers often scare children by threatening to retaliate or by insinuating that the child will not be believed. The abuser may also confuse the child by implying that the abuse is the child’s fault. Comments such as &quotYou asked for it,” &quotYou were all over me,” and &quotI know you enjoyed it” are often used to blame and to silence the child. Sexual abuse of a child can never be the child’s fault.

    For whatever reason, if the abuse is not dealt with at the time, its damaging effects will still be present years later.

    What are the effects of child sexual abuse?
    There are many ways that people experience the harm that results from having been sexually abused. Consider the following questions (Bass and Davis, 1988):

    Self-Esteem
    Do you often feel that you are not a worthwhile person?
    Do you feel bad, dirty, or ashamed of yourself?
    Do you have a hard time nurturing yourself?
    Do you feel that you have to be perfect?
    Feelings
    Do you have trouble knowing how you feel?
    Have you ever worried about going crazy?
    Is it hard for you to differentiate between various feelings?
    Do you experience a very narrow range of feelings?
    Are you afraid of your feelings? Do they seem out of control?
    Your Body
    Do you feel present in your body most of the time? Are there times when you feel as if you’ve left your body?
    Do you have a restricted range of feelings in your body? Do you find it difficult to be aware of what your body is telling you?
    Do you have a hard time loving and accepting your body?
    Do you have any physical illnesses that you think might be related to past sexual abuse?
    Have you ever intentionally hurt yourself or abused your body?
    Intimacy
    Do you find it difficult to trust others?
    Are you afraid of people? Do you feel alienated or lonely?
    Do you have trouble making a commitment? Do you panic when people get too close?
    Do you expect people to leave you?
    Have you ever been involved with someone who reminds you of your abuser or someone you know is not good for you?
    Sexuality
    Do you try to use sex to meet needs that aren’t sexual?
    Do you ever feel exploited sexually or use your sexuality in a way that exploits others?
    Are you able to &quotstay present” when making love? Do you go through sex feeling numb or in a panic?
    Do you find yourself avoiding sex or pursuing sex you really don’t want?
    Do you experience flashbacks during sex?
    Will I Ever Feel Better?
    The devastating effects of sexual abuse do not need to be permanent. You can heal! You have already survived the worst part, the abuse itself. You have choices now that you didn’t have then. If you choose to commit to your own healing process, have patience with yourself, and let others support you along the way, you can learn that it is possible not only to &quotsurvive,” but to experience what it means to be truly alive.

    Where Do I Begin?
    If you think that you may have been sexually abused, speaking with a trained professional can be extremely helpful. You don’t need to be alone in your pain. In fact, &quotbreaking the silence” is one of the most important components of the healing process. Make an appointment with a professional who will understand what you have been through.

    • I hesitate to bring this up because I am not in any way implying anything about this particular case. And so much of what you quoted is very good advice.

      I just find this statement so not true to my own experience that I question it.
      “Children simply do not make things up.” Here is a study by Clarke-Stewart, Thompson and Lepore (1989). Among other things it shows that questions asked by an interviewer can change a child’s relation of facts substantially.

      Also, I remember as a child making up a rather wonderful story about an old man disappearing inside of a deer as if he were a spirit residing inside it. To this day, I remember making up the story. I know it isn’t true but I see it happening. The only reason I don’t believe it is real is because I remember actually creating it. Children do make up things.

      Please, don’t mistake me. I think if a child says something happened it should be paid attention to. I’m just cautioning that if someone questions a child about something that they haven’t volunteered then everyone needs to be very careful.

      And, please remember, I’m not talking about this specific case. I’m talking about children’s memories in general.

  • I remember as a child making up a rather wonderful story about an old man disappearing inside of a deer as if he were a spirit residing inside it.

    Kym, as you no doubt know, this is common theme or motif found throughout mythology and fairy tales. A person is ‘cursed’ or ‘bewitched’, they generally assume an animal form but there are other variations. You must be familiar with Apuleius’s Golden Ass. Another variation would be our favorite Frog Prince. Beauty and the Beast, etc. I won’t go into the meaning of it here except to repeat that it has to do with redemption. But I use that word cautiously — what i’m talking about here is very different from and should not be associated to Christian dogma and theology where it is a concept with so many connotations.

    huggles and magic kisses,
    s

  • I remember as a child making up a rather wonderful story about an old man disappearing inside of a deer as if he were a spirit residing inside it.

    Kym, as you no doubt know, this is common theme or motif found throughout mythology and fairy tales. A person is ‘cursed’ or ‘bewitched’, they generally assume an animal form but there are other variations. You must be familiar with Apuleius’s Golden Ass. Another variation would be our favorite Frog Prince. Beauty and the Beast, etc. I won’t go into the meaning of it here except to repeat that it has to do with redemption. But I use that word cautiously — what i’m talking about here is very different from and should not be associated to Christian dogma and theology where it is a concept with so many connotations.

    huggles and magic kisses,
    s

  • Fiance here again,

    Children do make things up…..I wondered about that statement myself. Maybe if we had the whole article and could put it into context…who knows. The child we are referring to writes many a wonderful story that she makes up, although sometimes I wonder if there aren’t part of these stories taken from reality. Unfortunately, in this case she is not making it up. It has been all to common a theme in our lives for he past few years.

    To Ms. Suzyblahblah…I’ve been reading your posts in Humboldt Blogs for awhile now. I am glad to see how far you have come with your writing skills and education since posting about Peter Ryce and the UPS guy at beginnings a couple of years ago. I am impressed!

  • Fiance here again,

    Children do make things up…..I wondered about that statement myself. Maybe if we had the whole article and could put it into context…who knows. The child we are referring to writes many a wonderful story that she makes up, although sometimes I wonder if there aren’t part of these stories taken from reality. Unfortunately, in this case she is not making it up. It has been all to common a theme in our lives for he past few years.

    To Ms. Suzyblahblah…I’ve been reading your posts in Humboldt Blogs for awhile now. I am glad to see how far you have come with your writing skills and education since posting about Peter Ryce and the UPS guy at beginnings a couple of years ago. I am impressed!

  • Part VI has been added to blog……………VII soon to follow.

  • Part VI has been added to blog……………VII soon to follow.

  • Fiance again, Kym heres and idea…I have been editing a sociology textbook for a couple of college professors…If anyone wants to get a somewhat truer picture of the effects of being raised in the MJ culture why not get a couple of researchers to come in to the schools, have the kids go to the cafeteria without faculty, staff or parents and fill out anonomous questionairs reguarding the subject. Ask for no identifiers other than age and parents grow or don’t grow and maybe born into it or not. Parents together or divorced…… I sent this suggestion to the Children and Families Dept. of UC Berkley.

    • I notice that no one up there is willing to even comment on this much less consider it. Is is because no one up there wants the outside world to know the truth about how screwed up the kids that are being raised there are? Could it be that no one up there wants face the realities of how being raised in Humboldt County is screwing up their kids? Don’t you just love denial!

  • Fiance again, Kym heres and idea…I have been editing a sociology textbook for a couple of college professors…If anyone wants to get a somewhat truer picture of the effects of being raised in the MJ culture why not get a couple of researchers to come in to the schools, have the kids go to the cafeteria without faculty, staff or parents and fill out anonomous questionairs reguarding the subject. Ask for no identifiers other than age and parents grow or don’t grow and maybe born into it or not. Parents together or divorced…… I sent this suggestion to the Children and Families Dept. of UC Berkley.

    • I notice that no one up there is willing to even comment on this much less consider it. Is is because no one up there wants the outside world to know the truth about how screwed up the kids that are being raised there are? Could it be that no one up there wants face the realities of how being raised in Humboldt County is screwing up their kids? Don’t you just love denial!

  • To Ms. Suzyblahblah…I’ve been reading your posts in Humboldt Blogs for awhile now. I am glad to see how far you have come with your writing skills and education since posting about Peter Ryce and the UPS guy at beginnings a couple of years ago. I am impressed!

    Why thank you! 🙂 A rough beginning does not necessarily always mean that an insurmountable challenge ensues. My best to you in resolving your families uncomfortable situation.

  • To Ms. Suzyblahblah…I’ve been reading your posts in Humboldt Blogs for awhile now. I am glad to see how far you have come with your writing skills and education since posting about Peter Ryce and the UPS guy at beginnings a couple of years ago. I am impressed!

    Why thank you! 🙂 A rough beginning does not necessarily always mean that an insurmountable challenge ensues. My best to you in resolving your families uncomfortable situation.

  • family’s

  • family’s

  • Ms. Suzyblahblah,

    We thank you for you well wishes and I know your parents must be very proud of you. You seem to have taken a much more serious interest in your community at a much younger age than most. You also seem to have learned somewhere along the way that facing a challenge head on and working hard to acheive your goals will almost always pay off in the long run. Keep it up! Do you have your own blog that I haven’t found yet?

  • Ms. Suzyblahblah,

    We thank you for you well wishes and I know your parents must be very proud of you. You seem to have taken a much more serious interest in your community at a much younger age than most. You also seem to have learned somewhere along the way that facing a challenge head on and working hard to acheive your goals will almost always pay off in the long run. Keep it up! Do you have your own blog that I haven’t found yet?

  • Kym,

    I couldn’t help but notice that your article on this subject was left off the Humboldtgrow web site. What’s up?

  • Kym,

    I couldn’t help but notice that your article on this subject was left off the Humboldtgrow web site. What’s up?

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