A Sweet Disgrace
My grandmother learned to drive in snow country but even the best drivers slide on ice. Late one November, wearing a dress and heels, Grandma headed to a church potluck with two pumpkin pies nestled carefully in the passenger seat beside her. Even for Idaho, the weather was bad. Snow had fallen, then melted, and now was freezing on the highway.
She eased onto the roads and, concentrating fiercely, managed to get almost to the red brick church but the darkening skies brought colder temperatures and more ice. Making a turn across an intersection, the car took a notion to be in charge and slid across two lanes and smacked hard into a snow bank. The car momentarily leaned on its side before righting itself. Inside the cab was confusion. her Bible fluttering in shock landed in her lap and her head hit the steering wheel—though not too hard.
Almost in tears, trembling she opened the door and stepped out onto the icy roadway. A police officer must have been nearby because he was already getting out of his car, too.
Seeing this sweet faced older woman almost in shock, he kindly stepped towards her. “Can I hel…?” But he stopped midway through the word and stared in dawning horror at her leg.
Confused Grandma looked down. Seeping from under her dress and dripping down her leg was a disgusting brown goo. Humiliated at her body’s betrayal, Grandma began weeping quietly. The officer hesitated, torn between a desire to help and gut level need to flee. As Grandma gazed open mouthed, a chunk fell off and plopped wetly onto the snow.
The officer turned and headed blindly towards his vehicle. “I’ll just call for help, ma’am,” he mumbled hastily.
Staring at the thick clot on the ground, Grandma had a revelation. “Pie, Pumpkin pie,” She called after him.
She knows he didn’t believe her because he didn’t even respond. He just began jogging towards the car.
There was no way to prove she hadn’t…uh, messed herself short of picking up a piece and eating it.
Stoically she took a rag and cleaned herself while the officer found reasons to keep himself occupied in his car.