Take the Girl out of Humboldt: Part I



Wanted: Masseuse. No experience
necessary. College girl type preferred.
$20-$30 per hour plus tips

Being raised out a winding rural road twenty minutes from the nearest tiny town, left me unprepared for some of a life’s interesting moments. At 18, I moved to a small junior college north of San Francisco. Enchanted by malls, enticed by roommates richer and more sophisticated than myself, and encircled by more entertainment options than I had imagined possible, I found myself running out of money.

Desperate, I searched the classifieds for a job that fit around my socializing schooling. I found that one.

Golly gee, real money just for rubbing somebodys back.

I called.


“I’m interested in the job you were advertising.”


Bored female voice, “Have you done this kind of work before?”


Me nervously, “No, never but I’m excited to learn. I like working with people one on one.”

(Italics added by more aware adult persona.)


Bored voice stifling a yawn, “What kind of work do you do now?”


Me, afraid I am ‘blowing’ the interview, “Well, I don’t work now. I go to the Junior College.” Trying to improve my chances, I attempted to convey that my maintenance job digging ditches etc. for the State Parks left me strong enough to rub backs for hours at a time. “I worked out all summer and I’m in good shape.”


Voice seeming slightly more interested, “How tall are you and how much do you weigh?”


Picturing the immense Swedish women I had seen on TV performing massage, I feared I wasn’t big enough so I stretched the truth, “5’6” and 130 pounds.”


The voice murmured to someone in the background and a man took up the phone abruptly.


“I’m John. We need to have an idea of your general appearance. What color’s your hair?”


Oh, my goodness. Maybe they want only Swedish blondes. “Redhead, but…but on the light side… Is that ok?”


“You sound like just what we need, baby! Why don’t you come…” He stressed the last word and laughed, a little oddly I thought, “…on down tomorrow and I’ll check you out.”


I took the address he gave me and made an appointment to meet the next day. That night my two cheerleader roommates got long full body massages to practice for my interview.





Tomorrow part II

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